Mood: Liberated, nostalgic
Music: TaeYang - Look Only at Me


XD Oh man. Last week was Hell. Oh no, not because of finals, even though that was part of my stress. More on friends drama, which was really unexpected to experience.

And therefore, I cried for five days straight. From Tuesday to Saturday. Yeeeaaah, quite unhealthy if you ask me. But, ironically, Saturday was also the first time in days that I started to laugh really hard. Sunday, too, was my second day to laugh.

XD Really, after all of the crap the four of us (Rex, Sean, Trizha, and myself [me, I did try to stay out of it too, which I kept my word on, but it finally took some things to not just sit on the sidelines and watched]; Jason and MJ were trying their best to stay out of it.) went through, we all needed a good laugh.

So, right now, I'm on sem. break, catching up on website work as well as writing my D.Gray-Man fanfiction (despite writer's block ready to kick my ass any moment now). Glad I can finally work on this, considering I had been busy stressing over midterms and finals.

And you know... Today officially marks a year since attending Colegio de San Lorenzo. Heh, happy anniversary to me, then. I wanted to celebrate today somehow, but I never had the opportunity to...

But, to think it's been a year already... One year ago, I was someone who'd cried a lot because of being so far away from her home. I had underwent such a big depression, crying constantly, feeling that my life was being ripped away from me. I felt like a nobody, stuck in a place--no less, on the other side of the world--where I barely knew anyone... Going into such a grim outlook as I saw people in school who knew each other. I felt everyone knew each other in some way... While I didn't know anyone at all. I felt depressed, isolated, left out...

I wanted to see... If there would be someone who'd always be there for me.

Certain people... Perhaps, just a certain person because he's the one who understood my feelings, the first one to befriend me... Changed all of that. I thank him for back then and I still thank him up to now.

Thanks, Rex.

Now, a year has a passed. But, while I still cry (this time over other things), I started to smile a lot and laugh a lot too. I've managed to adjust to this life and gained friends along the way. Slowly, I began to see something good out of this. And now?

I don't regret anything.

I really do... Love my school...
 
 
Mood - A little too wide awake, spaztic
Music: None


XD What the heck am I supposed to think after all of that?! AGH. Now, because of it, I can't freakin' sleep nor think straight anymore!

And Jade, if you're reading this... XD Naku talaga, you know what I'm talking about!
 
 
Mood: Blank
Music: Paramaore - Where the Lines Overlap


Yes, yes. Consider me guilty for not having updated for two months. Sorry about that. Been busy with school, stress, drama... Blah, all of that crap, really.

XD Don't worry, I'll get around to updating the stuff on the site again. >_>; It's gonna be a lot to update, though. *SHOT* But, this is what I get for being super busy.

Got through with midterms about three weeks ago? Got most of my grades, which are pretty much good so far. Geez, what a way for others to worry on how I'm doing when I haven't forgotten my obligation on why I'm here in the first place. It's to study and finish school.

But hey, that doesn't mean I can't have fun in the process, now, can I?

Anyway, preparing for another typhoon storm... And if they suspend classes next week again, I'm gonna rip someone a new one. Because if that actually happens, we officially don't get any semester break.

And that's the last thing I want. Along with the typhoon killing people. Last Saturday was a big disaster, considering there are a lot of deaths (and I got stranded in school for a couple of hours because of the flash floods the typhoon caused). Let's hope this upcoming storm won't be as bad.

One more thing... I swear I'll kill someone if they suspend classes because I've a break up to fulfill.

Yep, you didn't read wrong. I plan on breaking up with Gab. And I'll do it with no regrets.

Because as far as I'm concerned, he's proving me right on being a spineless, cowardly, immature, unreliable, pathetic, sorry excuse of a boyfriend. If I should even call him that, anyway, because I don't think he's worthy of being one.

Two weeks ago proved it too. I faced my aunt alone for you, I cried for you, for us... And I needed you there, that was one of the times I needed you there... But, you weren't. When I need you, you're not there at all.

And yet, ironically, Rex is. He was always there, even before you suddenly dropped in my life. What does that tell me now?

Anyway, I'm done with him. I plan on breaking up with him next week when school starts again and, rest assure, I'll be doing it harshly. Because we (as in our classmates and myself) told him to quit being like this, quit being jealous of Rex, and all that. But still, it's like it went in one ear and out the other.

I know I'm going to break a heart here, but I'm still going to do so with no regrets in mind. A little sadness, a lot of resignation, but nothing else.

I'm done crying for fools.

And they wonder why I don't say "I love you" immediately, sincerely. It's because they're unworthy of words that are serious to me. And I don't say them unless it's to someone I really feel for that way.
 
 
Mood: Awake
Music: None


o_o; Man, I haven't updated in a while, have I? *SHOT* Sorry about that, I've been busy with school and fussing about a lot of things.

First off, finished all of my prelim exams. Inevitable that I failed the Filipino prelim, but that was to be expected. Well, what did you want me to do? At least I got a tutor now, but I'm still feeling shaky about the midterm coming up... Other than that, I did well on the rest of my exams (or so I assume as I didn't get the grades for Ruizian Orientation and Computer Operations I yet).

In terms of friendships and relationships... Heh, Sean has a girlfriend now and it's Trizha. Although I officially gave them my blessings yesterday, being his best friend and all, I still feel a little out of it when they're together. At least I feel like I belong in the now slightly bigger group that I'm used to since last semester (it's the three of us as usual and Jason; now, we add in Trizha and, for some reason, MJ (Mary Joy), but I don't mind). I just need to get used to the fact that one of my best friends has a girlfriend. *SHOT* XD This is me being overprotective, though, haha.

XD It was especially fun on Friday last week, though. All of us were waiting in the clinic to get our dental check ups since both the CA and EDU departments had their appointments that day... So, as a way to kill time (and getting to know each other more), we had a random, all out Q & A, no matter how private or personal the questions/answers were. It was fun, amusing too (especially when Sean asked Rex if he was gay--which he promptly responded with a no and Sean was grinning and said he was making sure and that was a trick question--or when Jason asked me why I thought using a grenade launcher in CoD4 was cheap).

I felt like I was getting interrogated, though. XD Seriously, the questions would usually involve Rex, in which I had to either respond honestly or keep a secret for now.

As for my side of things in the relationship department... Well, for all of those who don't know (except Kate as she got involved as the advice giver), Geri and I have been on break for a while. So, recently, I've been dating someone from the freshman batch and he's in the Business department. I said recently since this week will mark two weeks. However, I've yet to see whether this'll work out or not (especially with all of the gossip we've been getting as the majority, save for a few people, don't know Gab and I are dating), though things are going well so far.

But, if certain feelings push through in spite of this... Blegh! I'm not going to even think about it. I'll just see what's going to come along as I don't want to get hurt anymore.

^_^ Heh, this is my life update~

And Kevin, something wonky happened at ff.net since my friend told me she didn't receive an update notice on my Unravel fanfic. Since I'm sure you didn't receive it either, I'm letting you know I updated Chapter XII already.

Here's the link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5100537/12/Unravel
 
 

Mood: Bitchy
Music: None


Yet, another school vent (posted the first vent elsewhere). Different girl this time, only this is someone I knew from last semester.

Okay, my last subject for today was Filipino. For some reason, a few people from last semester (I'm not sure of this, but I do recognize, at least, two of the females from different departments) dropped in (the girl I'm about to bitch about--we'll call her E--is in the BA department). Well, this was nothing usual since people from different classes or whatever tend to drop in other classes to stay in (I should know, I've done this a few times last semester when I didn't have FIL102 [Filipino II] and COM102 [Communication Theories]).

So then, everything seems to have gone smoothly in Filipino (even when the quiz was in and, despite it being in all Tagalog, I surprisingly got a 9 out of 15). Of course, there was the Filipino prof. who was trying to encourage me on participating in class by having me answer something in Tagalog/Filipino, but that's nothing out of the ordinary. Though, he was doing this, E and the others were talking (couldn't quite hear them, despite them being right behind me, probably because I was distracted; from what I could vaguely remember, they seemed to be talking in Tagalog/Filipino).

Class ends and everyone was out except me and a few of the female freshmen. I guess they wanted to make sure everyone was out of the class, so they wouldn't overhear what they were going to tell me. Tricia/Patricia (the girl from the last school vent I made) told me the following:

"While the prof. was trying to get you to provide an example of what he put on the board in Tagalog, E was telling him something like, 'Don't even bother to teach her (me) anything. She's a CA student, she should know how to speak both English and Tagalog by now.'"

This had managed to set me off, to the point I was crying (all the while going in between tears, "Hindi ako tanga!" [I'm not an idiot!]), because of my frustration from the subject's difficulty. More than that, E should understand as the majority of those from last semester (including her) know that Tagalog is hard for me. I thought she had understood, but this told me otherwise. Apparently, she's implying that I'm an idiot for not knowing enough Tagalog (and you think me in the CA department helps your reasoning just because it's basically mass communication?!).

Well, fuck off! I've been in the Philippines for about 9-10 months now and, since you seemed to have completely forgotten, I was born and raised in New York, USA! Tagalog is my disadvantage here and I'm doing all I can to work my way into it!

And how dare you mock me on Tagalog, anyway! It's not like you're an expert on English either!

 
 

Mood: Ecstatic
Music: None


o_o I'm freakin' twenty! HOLY CRAP! *SHOT*

XD But, today was a lot more better compared to yesterday. Really... Seeing everyone... T__T Including Rex AND Sean... XD Man, I was so surprised when I saw Sean pop in my Logic class and I was ready to glomp him, LAWL.

X3 I'll tell you what happened the next time I log in here since I'm on the cousin's laptop (it's been raining too much and, because of this, the Internet signal here is weak and it's just powerful enough for one computer connection). But, really... Today was a lot better for me.

And since I didn't want to conflict my friends' schedules... I decided to celebrate my birthday this Friday.

So yes... >D Must take a LOT OF PICS!!!

 
 

Mood: Depressed
Music: Michelle Branch - Breathe

Seriously. It is what it says and I'm not even sure what to tell you.

All I can tell you is that... Well, the circumstances are like this. Since I transferred in CDSL late last semester, this means that for the first semester, I've to take all of the first year courses I've to make up since I wasn't here for last year's first semester. So, what does this mean? It means that I'm separated from those I made friends with last year since they're taking second year courses this semester.

Not only do I feel like they're going ahead of me, but I feel like I'm being left behind too. I hate it, man. And I feel like my friendships may not survive this. True, I do need a little more faith, but I'm just scared. I'm just very scared of losing a lot of things out of this just by being separated from them for one semester (I don't mean just the Comm. Arts department, this applies to friends I've in the other departments as well).

Of course, I'm glad to see Raymund being in all of my classes (it surprised me too that he has to take first year courses like I do; didn't know he was even an irregular student in the first place) while Cherrie (whom I've made friends with during NSTP102 in summer classes) is in my Ruizian Orientation class. Other than that, I just felt so out of it being separated from the majority that everything today feels like a blur to me.

I rarely saw anyone because of this situation. I only saw Benzi, Janine, Kelly, and Danica. Oh man, was I happy to see Danica a lot, crying uncontrollably while I was it because I was deep into depression on how I felt alone in my classes. But... I hadn't seen Rex the whole day. And I heard from Danica that he had gone quiet like he did in the first semester before I transferred into CDSL during the second semester. I guess that means he misses me (and Sean) in a way because he must've been alone the whole time. I haven't seen Sean at all since the second semester ended (knowing him, he's probably gonna enroll in his classes late again like last semester), but oddly enough, his cousin (a freshman in the CA department) is in my classes, even though I haven't met him personally.

I remember trying to look for Rex the whole day, seeing if I could catch him... I hadn't seen him since last week when we were enrolling classes and even at that time was I surprised to see him. I thought he had been resting up from his trip back from Saudi Arabia, so you could imagine my surprise when I saw him again. I...

It feels so odd without Rex and Sean to bother me. Hahaha... To think I got paranoid today, thinking I would get the crap scared out of me because of those two scaring me to death. I miss those two, as much as I hate to admit it. I miss all of them, but especially those two since they're close to me.

In Filipino class, I was at my wits' end. I was crying out of anxiety since the students were able to introduce themselves in Tagalog and I felt that I was only one who couldn't (never mind the fact three of the freshmen in class came from the U.S. (Nevada and California; one used to live in New Jersey), even THEY knew better Tagalog than I did, which is very, very embarrassing on my part). I felt humiliated and shameful because of it. Even though they all understood that I only knew little Tagalog, I just... I just lost it. Never in my life did I feel so self-loathing of myself and, boy, would I tell you how much I was cursing myself for not being so good in a language the majority expect me to learn quickly.

Doesn't help that it's been raining the whole day too (yes, it's been raining up to now). That just kills my mood even more.

Hopefully, tomorrow will be better (since I heard Sir Gilbeys/Sardea is teaching one of my classes on Wednesdays and Fridays)... Especially since tomorrow is a certain important day for me (I think you know where I'm getting at; that is, if you guys didn't forget)...

But I don't know. Even now, I'm starting to cry again. I just want this to be over quickly.

 
 

Mood: Awake (XD seriously, it's like 7 AM here)
Music: Paramore - Never Let This Go

Yep, back in the Philippines!

o_o Seriously... XD I don't know HOW I even survived traveling alone. Though, admitting this, it was fun... But...

Mom was right. XD It is lonely traveling alone.

Anyway, wanted to let you guys know that I am back.

Now, to work on Chapter III of Unravel...

 
 

Yep, haven't updated for so long due to the fact I was just spending my vacation here in New York. XD I would write down what I've been doing this whole time, but I'd rather save that when I go back to the Philippines.

My flight is at 12:30 AM, so I'm just letting you guys know right now that I won't be here in NY anymore. Going back this early since class registration is on June 8th (can't afford to miss that) while the first semester of this year will start on June 15th. So yeah.

I'll miss all of you, again.

XD And I'll be traveling alone this time, so... Haha, wish me luck.

 
I'm home! 05/12/2009
 

Mood: Happy
Music: None


>D Yes, it is as it says.

I'm finally back home in New York~ <3